I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Murphy’s Law rules the Johnston Household.  Before I became a Johnston, Murphy’s Law dictated the McCrory Household, but back then, it was called McCrory’s Law.

Last night, Murphy’s jurisdiction was focused on me alone.

At one point, while Andy was still awake, I woke up, groggy eyed, to go to the bathroom, and noticed something on the floor in front of the toilet.  Grant you, I’m really tired, and just want some sleep.  For a second, I saw what I thought was a scorpion.  We have never had a scorpion in our home, but I grew up in a house in the country that was PLAGUED by scorpions.  This little thing on the floor was nothing but a cute little gecko.  I called Andy in the bathroom and said… look at that and tell me it doesn’t look like a scorpion, if you’re looking through foggy eyes.

(In hind-sight, I should have taken a pic to add to my collection of odd critters involved in my bathroom saga.)

I go back to sleep and dream of…. scorpions.

Once Andy gets in bed, he immediately starts snoring.  I have no idea how someone can lay in the bed and in the first breath they take, be asleep and snoring – but Andy does it.. every night.

I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t.  I kick him.  I slap him.  I poke him.  At one time, I called out (something I never really say in front of my kiddos, but Hawk was asleep)

“SHUT UP ALREADY!”

He sniffs, like sniffing is going to help him stop, and starts right back snoring.

I finally make him roll over by nudging him with my foot and all my might… ok, I kicked and forced him over, and he stopped for a while.

Then, Hawk starts snoring.  Seriously?

I finally got him to stop, and Andy starts back up.  Then, the cat decides to get up and walk around for a while jingling the bell on her collar.

I look at the clock and it’s 2:24.  Long. Night.  I had no option but to grab my phone and surf Facebook.

One thing I noticed was that there were WAHM businesses asking questions and posting stuff at the same time, with no response, and I’m thinking really?  You REALLY think people are up right now to answer a question to enter your contest in the next hour?  Come on!

I chat back and forth with a friend for a while until she tells me she needs to go, so I put my phone up, go back to the bathroom, then try to go back to sleep.

But first, I grab my water bottle to get a drink.  I squirt it in the direction of my mouth, soaking the front of my tshirt.  At that point, I was frustrated and just let it cool me off.

The boys finally stop snoring, and low and behold…………. the cat, sitting next to me in my glider rocker, starts to have an asthma attack.

REALLY MURPHY?

At about 4, I got up and went to the couch.  The whole time I’m thinking…. why am I going to the couch?  Why can’t Andy go sleep upstairs in the extra twin bed or on the futon or on the couch?  Why can’t I kick the cat out and close the door to get some sleep?  WHY IS THE PREGNANT ONE FORCED TO GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH!?!

I grabbed my blanket and pillow and went to the couch.  Just as soon as I got comfortable…… Andy wakes up to get ready for work.

The only consolation for me was the fact that the thought crossed my mind……

If my water breaks on the couch, I’m not the one who has to clean it up!

Take that Andy Murphy!